please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
