Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
