# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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