Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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