i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
