Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
