her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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