I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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