do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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