Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
