I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
