i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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