dude i'm inner monologue high
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
