Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
