You're completely useless in the revolution.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
