he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
