You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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