We're facebook friends in real life
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
