Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
