a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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