One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
