Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
