Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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