Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
