The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
