i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
