you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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