Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
