i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
