am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
