Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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