have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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