please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
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