I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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