I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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