woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
