i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
