"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
