I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
