don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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