I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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