I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
