you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
