That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
