We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
