were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
