I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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