Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
