no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
