I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
