i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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