Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
