my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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