the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
